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Not because I didn’t love her, but because their lack of sleep was killing me. It wasn’t lack of sleep because she was a newborn, it was fear keeping me awake, paranoid thoughts, heart-stopping moments when I needed to check her the I can always make smile Joker sunset shirt but was frozen in fear, drowning in flashbacks. Every whimper of pain or bad dream cry, every time she acts sleepy and unlike her normal, energetic, sweet, social, loving, smart, stubborn, defiant, determined little self, my heart skips a beat. I wonder if she’ll wake up to see the next day.
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She struggled with breastfeeding but after reading that it lowered the SIDS risk by 33%, after remembering how I gave up on nursing my son and he had now been gone for 9, almost 10 months, I forced myself to keep fighting through the I can always make smile Joker sunset shirt and frustration on both ends. And I will never regret it, despite the rough start, because nursing has forged an amazing bond between us.
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It helped her through so many tantrums, picky food phases, bumps, and bruises, as well as a very rough time of illness. We had a bad scare last May 2018 when she was 16 months old. She was hospitalized with the I can always make smile Joker sunset shirt after having two febrile seizures in a 10-day period. She slept for two days straight in the hospital and took another few days to get better. Since then, I am even more paranoid, if that’s possible. She hadn’t been sick since then, until April of this year.
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After losing her brother and her hospital episode, I was so on edge. I barely slept, checked her fever every five minutes, checked her breathing all night and cried myself to sleep after she got better. Every time she bumps her head, falls down, chokes while drinking water or coughs while eating, the I can always make smile Joker sunset shirt she flipped her pool floaty and went under, I stayed awake for days, researching dry drowning symptoms and checking her every two minutes as she slept or played.