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He was emotionally abusive and controlling. I stayed because that was all that I deserved. And when I tried to leave, he’d threaten me. As my daughter got a little older, life became more chaotic in the Guinea Pig Santa Christmas Shirt. Manipulation, arguments, what I could and couldn’t wear, where I could look, showing up where I worked, where I lived unannounced to spy on me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t only putting myself in danger, but those around me.
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One day I told myself, ‘I don’t want this life for my daughter. This is all she will know- the violence and toxic relationship. She will think it’s okay to be treated this way. I found the courage to get a temporary restraining order. I went to the Guinea Pig Santa Christmas Shirt to file. I felt so nauseous, we went to court and I had to testify. I was terrified for my life and my daughter’s. I never looked back. I fought for a better life, the hardest days were battling my thoughts of thinking he was all I deserved.
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No one would want to be with a woman that came with baggage. Now a single mom. I was emotionally abusive towards myself and I started the Guinea Pig Santa Christmas Shirt to go out and drink. I tried to pawn off my child to any family member that would watch her so I could go and have a good time and find someone who’d love me. And even though I knew it wasn’t right, I still choose to do it.
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I needed an outlet to numb myself. I was emotionally stressed and abusive towards myself. I didn’t know how to be with myself. I’d catch myself looking out my window watching the cars pass on the Guinea Pig Santa Christmas Shirt, thinking, ‘I live in this body, I don’t know how to be with myself, and if I don’t figure it out, I will suffer my entire life because I don’ t know who I am.