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2.5 years later and I still check her breathing throughout the night. This is my new reality, every loss parent’s life after experiencing the worst possible thing imaginable. The Guitar Pink Floyd signatures shirt question I get asked whenever we go out – ‘Is she your only child?’ I used to answer no. I talked about Nicholas. But after so many awkward pauses, stilted conversations and pitying faces with a murmured.
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I’m sorry,’ I stopped mentioning my son. Not because I was ashamed, but I got tired of the pitying looks, the awkwardness of the other person, of having to say thank you. What am I thanking the Guitar Pink Floyd signatures shirt for, their apology? Now, I simply say my daughter is ‘enough right now,’ with a sad, forced laugh. Then comes the thought of another baby, not wanting my daughter to grow up alone. Her dad and I both have siblings.
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But I don’t know if I can handle the paralyzing fear again, because a sleeping baby no longer holds warm, cute thoughts for me, but instead induces terror. While uncommon, SIDS could strike again, and it’s not just about me anymore. What would that do to my princess to witness her sibling being found dead, the Guitar Pink Floyd signatures shirt way we did with her brother. Her presence dulls the ache of her brother’s loss but doesn’t make it disappear.
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Her existence helps fill the void he left, though she can never replace him. But she has brought back joy and happiness to both sides of the Guitar Pink Floyd signatures shirt. She adores her grandparents and they adore her. She is so sweet, loving, and social. Whenever we go out, she waves and says hi to everyone, which in turn leads to people commenting on how sweet and beautiful she is. She makes everyone around her smile, like the bright beauty of a rainbow. She is my best friend, my heart and soul, my reason to keep going, my light in the darkness.