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I promised myself that I would never hold him accountable for the choices of my ex-husband. I would never check his phone, email or otherwise out of mistrust, but we also don’t have private passwords or logins. He is very respectful of my past and the Official Teach all day watch Hallmark Christmas Movies all night shirt feelings it brings up in certain situations. He’s turned down one-on-one study sessions with female partners at school, he doesn’t hang out with female friends one-on-one and he always makes sure he tells me how much he loves me. I thought my marriage was good before.

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But I think it was only good because it wasn’t bad if that makes any sense. My husband now tells me how beautiful I am at least five times a day. He knows my love language and he acts on it. He takes me shopping for my birthday instead of just giving me money because he knows I want the Official Teach all day watch Hallmark Christmas Movies all night shirt quality time. He always says he wants to go to Cafe Rio for dinner because it’s his favorite place, even though he actually hates it, he just knows it’s mine. He’s different and the happiness I feel with him isn’t just ‘this is.

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Good’ happiness, it’s ‘this is what I’ve waited my whole life for’ happiness. I’ve seen a therapist since we’ve been married, the Official Teach all day watch Hallmark Christmas Movies all night shirt not because he’s done anything wrong but because I was diagnosed with post infidelity stress disorder. While I am very respectful of my husband’s space, if I can’t get ahold of him, even though he may just be caught up at work, my panic tells me that he’s with someone else. When he’s been in commercials or fitness photoshoots and other women are even AROUND, I feel myself starting to lose me.

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Breath, my chest gets heavy and it shouldn’t. I take medication for anxiety and sometimes I hate it because I never did until HE did this to me. It’s embarrassing to admit but sometimes I tie my need for medication to him still having a hold on me because he made me need it. Deep down I know it’s not true and I’m a better mom and wife with help from my medication and there is no shame in that. There is so much beauty in struggle and in pain. There is so much strength that comes from rising from the Official Teach all day watch Hallmark Christmas Movies all night shirt ashes of the fire.

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