Teacher You Can’t Scare Me I’m A Teaching Assistant I’ve Seen It Smelled It Touched It Heard It Stepped In It Shirt

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I said to my husband, ‘I wanted to have a home birth this time. I don’t want to go back to the hospital at all from my last delivery.’ This pregnancy was different – my entire focus was on self-care. One afternoon when my contractions were strong but inconsistent, my midwife asked me, ‘What’s going on?’ That was the Teacher You Can’t Scare Me I’m A Teaching Assistant I’ve Seen It Smelled It Touched It Heard It Stepped In It Shirt time I ever spoke up and let what needed to be said, said. I told her, ‘I can’t keep running away anymore.

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With my husband in the room, time stood still. I was being brought back to that 17-year-old girl laying on the operating bed getting an abortion. My midwife was holding the exact same hand as the nurse and doing the Teacher You Can’t Scare Me I’m A Teaching Assistant I’ve Seen It Smelled It Touched It Heard It Stepped In It Shirt same thing, gently rubbing my hand. As tears rolled down my face and the lump in my throat seemed to be getting bigger, I said, ‘Every contraction reminds me of the day I got an abortion.

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That’s why all these past pregnancies I got epidurals to numb myself from feeling. I can’t do that with this child.’ And as I laid there, the room was quiet. I continued to speak ‘I’d often think to myself, why did God allow all the Teacher You Can’t Scare Me I’m A Teaching Assistant I’ve Seen It Smelled It Touched It Heard It Stepped In It Shirt children to me? When women are struggling and praying and I didn’t let one life I know God forgave me because HE forgives, but what this transition into this next chapter in motherhood is teaching me It’s not about God for giving me.

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It’s about me learning to accept and forgive myself. I was 17, a broken little girl trying to figure out how to love in brokenness. ‘As soon as I acknowledge something I held on to for so long, my labor started to progress. My life changed that day, I couldn’t run away from my fear. I faced it and surrendered to all the Teacher You Can’t Scare Me I’m A Teaching Assistant I’ve Seen It Smelled It Touched It Heard It Stepped In It Shirt that held me back. My home birth was beautiful, my husband in the pool with me and told me everything I needed to hear.

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